Scared

I think my periods about to arrive. Sometimes yesterday and sometimes today I was convinced that it was about to and didn't want to go to the toilet. Any one knowing me knows that I have a bladder the size of a pea and need to go often. Although I'm sure it's psychological, if I'm going on a long trip, for example, a school camp or excursion I need to go even just walking down to the bus. My husband and I changed sides of the bed so I was closer to the toilet.
So last night to try and get over my anxiety I baked a cake with fresh raspberries in it and watched a great British murder show Blood of the wire or something like that. Made even more deliciously scary as my husband was away. The Poms do great murder mysteries. So today I have been picking at the cake and eating way to much to try and stuff the worry back down. I'm driving myself nuts with the self talk debating whether or not. I obsessively go to chat boards and google IVF and implantation.
I don't feel as if I will lose it and find it hard to stop crying this time if it's a BFN as I feel pissed off. But who knows, I seem to tear up at the drop of a hat these days. Especially when I take my thoughts to what if I never get pregnant? How do I deal with life in the future? And many more. I don't want to go there yet.