Nothing deep

I got my period this morning. It was expected as I had HPTed a couple of days running and had some monster period type cramps in the lead up. Including those horrible ones that run down my quads as if I had all of a sudden I had gone to a gym and done a hundred squats.

Nothing profound to report. I keep thinking I should have some words of wisdom or insight. Just the same mixture of sadness, unfairness, anger and vacillating from wanting to cry to feeling nothing. I went to the shopping centre this morning and felt like an extra in that original "Dawn of the Dead" movie, you know the one where the joke is that the zombies just wander around the shops, like normal shoppers. That's me dead woman walking.

Will not FET this cycle as I'll be in South Australia at a winery, hopefully pissed, at about the time I ovulate. It will also be our 3rd wedding anniversary. Can't wait to feel free. It will be nice not to monitor anything. I'm going to suck back the magaritas pool/beachside in Broome.

So FET when we come back, all going well and they decide to survive the thaw.

Went out to dinner with the hens on Friday night as a farewell to V who we teach with and is now on maternity leave. At first I didn't want to go, I didn't think I could survive the baby/pregnancy talk/breast feeding talk, but I was ok. One thing really got to me though and to my SIL. We confessed to each other at a family thing a few days later. One of our friends had been in Byron Bay on holidays and gone to a party. A fairly new mum there had snorted cocaine and then couldn't breast feed and went around the party asking people for formula and then how to make it up. I don't even get angry at these kind of things anymore, I just feel sadder. I'm not saying that I would be the most fantastic mum in the world, but fuck me that's just not on.

Also my SIL was out with other friends and someone she didn't know was carrying on about how she uses all organic stuff for her baby and nothing processed and my SIL felt guilty. Next minute she whips out a joint and lights up. My SIL was mighty pissed.


Another week and a bit before I go away and when I get back I'll bore you all with holiday photos. See you then.