Down Under

I created this blog to help me as I go through IVF. I feel quite isolated and have found other blogs very helpful. I need somewhere to vent and ramble on, whilst I'm probed and prodded down under.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Nothing deep

I got my period this morning. It was expected as I had HPTed a couple of days running and had some monster period type cramps in the lead up. Including those horrible ones that run down my quads as if I had all of a sudden I had gone to a gym and done a hundred squats.

Nothing profound to report. I keep thinking I should have some words of wisdom or insight. Just the same mixture of sadness, unfairness, anger and vacillating from wanting to cry to feeling nothing. I went to the shopping centre this morning and felt like an extra in that original "Dawn of the Dead" movie, you know the one where the joke is that the zombies just wander around the shops, like normal shoppers. That's me dead woman walking.

Will not FET this cycle as I'll be in South Australia at a winery, hopefully pissed, at about the time I ovulate. It will also be our 3rd wedding anniversary. Can't wait to feel free. It will be nice not to monitor anything. I'm going to suck back the magaritas pool/beachside in Broome.

So FET when we come back, all going well and they decide to survive the thaw.

Went out to dinner with the hens on Friday night as a farewell to V who we teach with and is now on maternity leave. At first I didn't want to go, I didn't think I could survive the baby/pregnancy talk/breast feeding talk, but I was ok. One thing really got to me though and to my SIL. We confessed to each other at a family thing a few days later. One of our friends had been in Byron Bay on holidays and gone to a party. A fairly new mum there had snorted cocaine and then couldn't breast feed and went around the party asking people for formula and then how to make it up. I don't even get angry at these kind of things anymore, I just feel sadder. I'm not saying that I would be the most fantastic mum in the world, but fuck me that's just not on.

Also my SIL was out with other friends and someone she didn't know was carrying on about how she uses all organic stuff for her baby and nothing processed and my SIL felt guilty. Next minute she whips out a joint and lights up. My SIL was mighty pissed.

Another week and a bit before I go away and when I get back I'll bore you all with holiday photos. See you then.


At 11:48 PM, Blogger Lindy said...

MC, I just don't know how you do it. I'm so inspired by your strength and grace in how you've handled disappointment after disappointment. I had so hoped that this cycle would be the one for you. Enjoy the anniversary winery trip. We'll all be here cheering for your FET when you return.

At 7:01 AM, Blogger Donna said...

A holiday sounds like just the rest you need right now. Take care of yourself.

At 9:19 AM, Blogger Sparkle said...

So sorry about this outcome. It's great that you're taking a break for a while, before considering FET.
I know exactly how you must be feeling - after 5 failed IVF cycles myself. It's hard to look for logic in it all - it's so random.

At 10:33 AM, Blogger LabiaLady said...

MC, I am sorry that this one did not work for you, especially when there are new mothers out there SNORTING COCAINE!!!!!

Again, I'm sorry

At 10:48 AM, Blogger heleen said...

I feel very sorry for you. Hope you have a nice trip that can take your mind of things.

At 3:21 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

I am sorry, Meg. Focus on your trip and pick yourself up again, like you always do. Take care of you, my friend.

At 8:47 PM, Blogger ankaisa said...

I'm so sorry. I wish I had something more to say, but there really is nothing. Try to hang on!

At 4:18 AM, Blogger Em said...

I hope the holiday picks your spirits up. I've never been to Broome but I hear its's amazing. Love to you Meg.

At 1:16 AM, Anonymous thalia said...

Meg I'm so sorry. I hope you've had a ggod break and are ready for that FET. It's amazing how you manage to persevere through this with such grace.

At 5:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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