Circles
I got my period today. It was not a surprise as I had been having some precursor cramps for a few days running and I'd HPTed. I feel like a dog that has been beaten, I seem to be expecting failure.
The fertilization threw J. He is usually optimistic and full of hope. This cycle he went all out. He continued the acupuncture and not drinking. He also added daily Chinese herbs and vitamin E to his regime. We were hoping that this would influence embryo quality and we would get a decent amount of eggs fertilized. Instead we got a worse result than we usually get.
I think the thing I hate most about this whole thing is that it seems so random. I hate it being out of my control. I'm sick and tired of doing this, not doing that. Cycle after fucking cycle. I feel like we are going around in circles.
So I need your help. Your expertise. I have one frozen embryo left, if that doesn't work out, then I will cycle again. I think that I have to do something different. It seems to me that it is coming down to implantation issues. Nearly all embryos put back have been grade 1 and 2. My Dr often comments on how good they look. I need to know what tests to ask my DR for. I'm not sure what kinds of tests there are for implantation, but I have come across some stuff on it.
I haven't cried much at all with this failed cycle. I feel like another little bit of me has turned to stone. I feel angry and pissed off. I got the last bill for the cycle yesterday, I don't feel like paying. Probably because I've been flat out at work I haven't really had time to take it all in.
Thanking you all in advance for any advice as long as it's not "relax" (Which is what a fill in hypnotherapist told me was the only reason why women are unable to conceive.)
posted by MC @ 4:03 PM
24 Comments:
Holy crap... this is fucked up... I am so sorry...
Have you heard of Dr. Antonia Ruhl
http://www.naturalstresstherapy.com.au/index.html
Personally I don't know if she's a crack pot, but it may be something to look into...
Oh, fuck. When I saw an update from you after the long absence, I got all excited. I'm just so sorry, MC. And I know that doesn't cut it in the least.
I don't know much of anything about it, but I would wonder whether they could do the same panel they do for repeated loss.
And fuck relaxation.
I'm so, so sorry. I was really hoping for you on this one.
I agree that something is fishy - I have vague inklings of things I've heard about implantation but my brain is snowed in right now - too much snow and cold up here - enjoy your flowers! but I did see something somewhere.
as always - admiring your fortitude. this just plain sucks.
I am so sorry.
Thinking of you.
I feel very sad for you. My advice is maybe see a naturopath. They can help to balance your body and optimise it for conceiving. I don't really know what other advice to give you as I don't know what you have tried already...
PGD, transfer with day 5 blasts, aspirin therapy, Viagra or how about some relaxing?? Tell me to fuck off - it will make you feel better!
I know nothing much will help you feel better right now, especially just before Xmas. Hold tight to J and try to make your way through it.
Will you have a consult with your RE to re-hash? What about a change of clinic or RE? Take care, sweetheart.
So sorry - it sucks.
I have the same issues - last three IVFs were all "great" with respect to number and quality of embryos and nothing implanted at all (I still have the frozen embryos as it just didn't seem like anything was ever going to work and so we took a break). I was 40 for the first IVF so the great embryo quality surprised everyone.
I could quote my IVF summaries but they all say basically "we don't have a clue".
How thick is your lining prior to retrieval? (I know, I know this is the most obvious and likely not your problem). I also know that asprin can interfer with implantation (that's why it's baby / low-dose asparin that is given to try to build the lining and not adult/ normal dose)
I remember reading on someone's blog about hum... natural killer cells??? (This might not be the right term but anyway, biopsies of endometrial lining from some women show a greater than normal number of these cells and apparently there is some correlation between this and recurrent miscarriages (possibly failure to implant? - don't have a clue)
I just know that no one had any explanations for my failures - I know how it feels.
My last failed IVF was over one and a half years ago and I still find it difficult to read the blogs with people becoming pregnant after their IVF treatment. (Not that I'd wish anything different for them - I guess I should just stop reading them).
Once again, I am so sorry and try to hang in there. There might be better information out there than what I received - I truly hope you find it and have better success in the future
D
Bloody crap, shit, bugger.
I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to give as I've never been in your shoes. Its the not knowing that is the worst...I guess I would try a different doctor but like you said, it all seems so random. Such BS.
Bugger, sorry to hear that MC, I don't think I'm far behind you.
I went thru a miscarriage management program after repeat failures and miscarriage - this included all dna, chromosonal, immunology testing - everything came back normal for both of us except I had slighly elevated levels of ACA (blood clotting thing). My dr. really didn't think this caused implantation failure but has prescribed heparin at transfer anyway. Made no difference the following cycle.
It would be worth going thru a program like that to discount any of the immunology etc. issues for your own peace of mind.
Unfortunately the old charts were flung around yet again ie age vs success rates.
The specialist I saw basically said if you're producing eggs, they're ferilising, and especially if they're making it to blast, you have a shot every cycle. It's just a gamble every time.
BTW, I have read about Dr. Antonia Ruhl on the forums - apparently she charges something like $2000 first visit for the amazon herbs.
It's hell what you're going thru, take care.
I have no advice, but you're in my thoughts.
Posting again...
When I went to see my dr after a failed FET, I told him that we had much hope before the transfer because the embies looked so good and had started to compact... he gave me a long look and then prescribed Astrix (baby aspirin). I had 1 more failed FET but then the next stim cycle was a BFP. The other change they made to the protocol was that I was to start using the crinone after transfer only, instead of inbetween pick & transfer.... I don't know if any of this made the difference or if it was just luck...
I have implantation issues too. My lining is never that good and I have long cycles. In all other respects we are both fine, eggs are good, fertilise well, make A grade blastocysts.
I've had two very early miscarriages.
On my last IVF I stayed away from Echinacea (apparently really bad) and all other vitamins except fish oil + folate. And I self-medicated with a 1/4 aspirin. And I tried to treat myself very gently - no rushing around, not much lifting etc. That was the time I got a BFP. so I'd try the aspirin -it can't hurt. Good luck and best wishes. Seepi.
oh Meg, this blows on so many levels.
I have no advice, just know that my heart is breaking for you and that you are in my thoughts.
So sorry matey. I feel quite similar to you. I think I have a lining problem so i have made an appointment to see my gynie in order to review whats next. I want to know if there is a test for lining so I will let you know if I find out.
Trading as: Natural Stress Therapy
Antonia calls herself Dr which is misleading to many 'patients'.
She also goes by many names:
Antonia Dias-Ruhl, Antonia Ruhl, Antonia Dias, Electra Ruhl, Balbina, etc.
Antonia charges $390 for a small bottle of herbs (Blood Immune Tonic) she claims she has to import from the Amazon and Brazil to justify the high cost. These are actually purchased through Medicine Garden, a supplier in Australia.
Antonia advises her 'patients' they can claim their herbs via their tax (Net Medical Expenses Tax Offset) which is non claimable according to the Australian Tax Office rules.
Antonia husband Klaus pays cash in hand payments to casual employees.
Antonia receives a medicinal cream in a white plastic tub mailed to her from her sister in Brazil which are falsely labelled as a hair product. She then sells a 300g tub of this cream, known as Ristinga, for eczema treatment at the cost of $900.
Antonia isn't a Naturopath, so how can she mix up herbs herself, with no warning label, or measurement / dosage of each content and 'prescribe' them?
Antonia uses confidential client information, without signed authority release forms, to brazenly promote herself at their expense. She uses people to gain fame and fortune.
I am one of Antonia's clients too, and after two years of ttc, two failed pregnancies (one ectopic and tube removed), my drs told me ivf was my only option, so i decided to hold off on ivf and went to see Antonia - and within 3 months of starting her program, I am pregnant (21wks with a strong and healthy bubba). While she may not be for everyone, I too encourage anyone with fertility issues to see her. First consult is $120 and you can decide from there whether you want to start her program. But I honestly believe that without her help, id be riding the ivf train right now and who knows weather id be pregnant. Oh and PS I got pregnant from the right ovary (i dont have a tube there!).
Good luck to all ttc and sending you baby blessings,
Lisa
Having never used a blog, I have no idea if these entries are even current, as the site seems to be dated 2005. In response to Lisa L. Congratulations to you on the birth of your child in August 2007. However, I really must point out that it is not physically possible to get pregnant when there is no tube. It is a falacy that every menstral cycle occurs from alternate ovaries, so I fail to understand how you could be so sure that you were pregnant from your right ovary. If there is no tube, the eggs just physically have no entry point to the womb. Having myself had 3 failed stim cycles and 13 other failed transfers after 2 ectopic pregnancies and 1.5 tubes removed, and also having been a patient of Antonia's previously, I find your comments about your pregnancy quite challenging. By the sounds of it, you have an active and healthy left ovary and tube and I would suggest that this is how you conceived. In my experience, Antonia is an excellent vibrational healer and her herbal remedy does have some great properties (including giving me the only HcG reading I have had - low as it was). However, I urge people to be wary of her. The initial consultation fee of $120 (which was not discussed on the phone) was coupled with $390 for the herbs, approx $130 for 1 month's supply of Golden Seal (check the price of GS best quality in your health food store or online!) and $80 for Selvagem alcoholic drink (which sells on the Net for US$4 I discovered later). The herbs do last about 3 months, but you then really need about $80 of vodka etc to suspend them in to make them most effective. Compared to my homeopath or chinese doctor, these are very pricey remedies. When I go and see my specialists, I don't pay this kind of money and they have years of recognised medical training and pay huge insurance and operational costs. I checked Antonia's herbal ingredients on the Net, and most are available quite cheaply in tablet form. I'm sorry, but Antonia is not wholly above-board in my eyes, and even a successful pregnancy would not convince me otherwise.
To Meggie, my apologies for filling your site with less than positive vibes. My heart goes out to you, and as I sit here, my period has started AGAIN and I totally commiserate with your emotional disappointments. I too, have run out of tears. At 38, I feel the pressure of age just starting to creep in. I think we have to allow ourselves to feel young inside and not focus on biological ages!:) I don't know whether you are still trying, but best of luck for everything that life offers you in the future.
PS PGD costs over $1000 and is not covered by Medicare I'm led to believe.
PPS What's the aspirin therapy about and what's an RE? - I'm struggling with all the abbrievs!!
PPPS For those that are wondering about beiong anonymous - it's the only identity I can use without having to negotiate how to become a blogger!!
the true always prevail..... desperate people for desperate mesures..... Serves you right to pay for a quack.... quack quack quack quack
It seems that in the pursuit of having a beautiful baby there seems to be alot of misdirected bitterness towards those who are in position to help. Having utilised Natural therapies for over 15 years I'm fully aware of the consultation costs and alternative supplementation investment. While watching friends and family members treating various health conditions naturally such as IBS, arthritis, CV disorders etc it does indeed incur high costs if you want to embrace the natural healing option. Most therapists do charge a higher rate for their initial consultation fee as the consultation takes close to an hour including examination and assessment. $120.00 for an initial consultation is considered normal and if it is cheaper you need to wonder who you are seeing for such a low cost! Remember a great therapist values his/her education, talents, success rate, credibility and proceedures which all account for the fee structure.
As a woman who is trying to concieve I find it appaling that you are all discussing price structure and trying to discredit those who have had great success helping other women and families. If you go to see a particular therapist you should follow their proceedure including the herbs and supplements that are recommended not pursuing alternate places to purchase identical herbs etc.. there are many things to consider when looking at alternative herbs that the practitoner has taken into account - ie: the constituents and quality of the particular herbs used, the strength per capsule, the grower used, the packaging method and the storage of the herbs all play a part in why one product differs to the next.
Apart from this insignificant blog which is content to constantly focus on the negative, I have read and heard glowing reports about Antonia Ruhl and will be making an appointment to see her! Regardless of the cost... it is worth it for the gift of a beautiful baby!!! Blessings to you all.
Hi,
LisaL here. Im just wanting to respond to the following comments:
'However, I really must point out that it is not physically possible to get pregnant when there is no tube. It is a falacy that every menstral cycle occurs from alternate ovaries....'
Well in response, when I went for my first scan to make sure this baby was in the uterus etc.. the sonographer told me it was the right ovary that had released the egg, I didnt make this up. They showed me the follicle on the scan and all. Well my OB advised that although this is rare, it can happen, the egg somehow finds its way to the uterus. So please dont insult my intelligence. This was my pregnancy, my story and I tell it for the truth that it is. Whether you choose to believe or not is up to you. But dont tell me that how I concieved is not possible, I have a 14 month old to prove it.
Antonia is not a miracle worker I know, but for some of us, she comes pretty close. I hope you find your miracle and have a healthy bfp soon.
Lisa
This article appeared in the Sunday Herald Sun today. If anyone wants to have a first hand experience of Antonia Ruhl here is your chance. For just $97 you can attend her upcoming event and draw your own consclusions about Antonia Ruhl. Visit www.EarthHealerAcademy.com.au to register.
file:///D:/temp2/Herald%20Sun%2011%20October%202009.jpg
That didn't work.
Here is a link to my blog with a copy of the article.
http://antoniaruhl-miracleworker.blogspot.com/2009/10/antonia-ruhl-in-sunday-herald-sun.html
Have a great day!
Hello, I do not agree with the previous commentator - not so simple
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