Due Date

I'm just waiting for my period to show up it's day 28 of my cycle and I feel like it's about to arrive. Probably come tomorrow in the hopes of tricking me into doing another HPT. I did one 6 and 7 days past transfer, it's funny but the one line looked so pink and the other section so white, I didn't bother doing any others. I was also a complete bitch to J yesterday for the smallest things and I still feel bad about it today. Ever since we went on IVF I seem to have hormones going crazy even between stims, with no medication. It's probably just general pissed off stuff coming out.

Today was my due date. As I write that or think about it tears sting my eyes. I said to J last night that I still felt sad and feel weird thinking about the D and C and the foetus being left in a steel tray and thrown out. We had been at his cousin's G's for her birthday, her husband had bought her this tiny gold angel on a delicate chain to remember their baby that miscarried. G had put her cross in the babies coffin. Her mother said something to me a few weeks ago, that at least G had people that knew she was pregnant, at work as well as family. She said in a way it would be hard for me as it was 8 weeks and we hadn't told many people and you don't have that acknowledgement.

And of course a drive by today at Fertility Secondary College. Another new teacher pregnant.

Despite all that I have been reasonably ok today. I've had a few laughs with friends and have been distracted as I'm teaching most of today. Looking forward to pilates starting again tonight. I also lost 1 and 1/2 kilos last week. I'm not on a diet, but I'm conscious of the extra weight left behind from stims and if we stim again I don't want to add more weight on top of it.

Today I've been pushing a trolley around the school, full of kids projects they are doing in my geography classes. I look like one of those daggy teachers that always push trolleys rather than carry their books. I keep thinking I should be pushing a pram!!!