Down Under

I created this blog to help me as I go through IVF. I feel quite isolated and have found other blogs very helpful. I need somewhere to vent and ramble on, whilst I'm probed and prodded down under.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Due Date

I'm just waiting for my period to show up it's day 28 of my cycle and I feel like it's about to arrive. Probably come tomorrow in the hopes of tricking me into doing another HPT. I did one 6 and 7 days past transfer, it's funny but the one line looked so pink and the other section so white, I didn't bother doing any others. I was also a complete bitch to J yesterday for the smallest things and I still feel bad about it today. Ever since we went on IVF I seem to have hormones going crazy even between stims, with no medication. It's probably just general pissed off stuff coming out.

Today was my due date. As I write that or think about it tears sting my eyes. I said to J last night that I still felt sad and feel weird thinking about the D and C and the foetus being left in a steel tray and thrown out. We had been at his cousin's G's for her birthday, her husband had bought her this tiny gold angel on a delicate chain to remember their baby that miscarried. G had put her cross in the babies coffin. Her mother said something to me a few weeks ago, that at least G had people that knew she was pregnant, at work as well as family. She said in a way it would be hard for me as it was 8 weeks and we hadn't told many people and you don't have that acknowledgement.

And of course a drive by today at Fertility Secondary College. Another new teacher pregnant.

Despite all that I have been reasonably ok today. I've had a few laughs with friends and have been distracted as I'm teaching most of today. Looking forward to pilates starting again tonight. I also lost 1 and 1/2 kilos last week. I'm not on a diet, but I'm conscious of the extra weight left behind from stims and if we stim again I don't want to add more weight on top of it.


Today I've been pushing a trolley around the school, full of kids projects they are doing in my geography classes. I look like one of those daggy teachers that always push trolleys rather than carry their books. I keep thinking I should be pushing a pram!!!

9 Comments:

At 12:24 PM, Blogger LL said...

I am sorry about your loss. Today must be hard for you. I can appreciate that the lack of recognition and support following a M/C is hard to bear as well. It's just not fucking fair.

My hopes are high for a positive beta for you.

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger ankaisa said...

Yes, the hormones do make you a bit crazy. Let me rephrase that: the homrones make you really, really, REALLY crazy.

And I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing I say can make you feel better about it, but I hope you are all right.

 
At 10:35 PM, Blogger Chan said...

Meg, your baby will always be acknowledged by us.
Thinking of you today.
Take care of yourself.

 
At 2:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry and thinking of you today.

Take care,

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger Drew said...

My heart goes out to you mate.
Will be (and have been) thinking of you.

 
At 4:59 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Still hoping for you, sweetie!

 
At 6:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hoping for you and feeling very sad about your loss and the coincidence of days. I hope you got through the day ok.

Don't worry about looking daggy - at least it's better for your back!

 
At 2:59 AM, Blogger Bittermama said...

MC - I read this back when you posted it but was interrupted while posting my comment. I'm sorry to be so late in getting back to this, but...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Reaching a due date while still trying to get pregnant again is an incredibly difficult thing. I think it's made all the harder by the fact that there seem to be relatively few women who experience that particular kind of pain. All of my friends who had had miscarriages had gotten pregnant again within a few months, so they couldn't really relate to what I was going through when my due date passed just as I was starting up infertility treatments again.

I'm just so glad that we all have each other to acknowledge these things.

Thinking about you and continuing to cross things for you.

Lindy

 
At 1:33 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

How you doing, sweetheart?? I hope things are well and spring has sprung.

 

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