Down Under

I created this blog to help me as I go through IVF. I feel quite isolated and have found other blogs very helpful. I need somewhere to vent and ramble on, whilst I'm probed and prodded down under.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Taking a break

I had my Beta today, it will be 0 as I got my period on Monday. I'm gearing up for a FET, which I'll get in before I go back to work. It's a natural thaw cycle so I don't have to worry about any medication, just that they actually thaw out.

I'm also expecting the karyotyping test results today. J and I are quite frankly sick and tired of everything. We don't know how much we can keep going. We feel like we are flogging a dead horse. I keep getting resentful of the money we are spending for no result. I think it has especially been pissing me off this month as our plumbing collapsed under the house and we had to spend $7000.00. It was the same day that the IVF bill came in. I'm also sick and tired of the mental, emotional and physical side of all this.

If we stop treatment we probably have no chance of conceiving naturally because of the zona binding issue. I think if it was just my age as a factor we would probably have more chance, although don't quote me on that, I think I saw some stats. some where on my travels in cyber space. We will be a child free couple as I've said before adoption is not an option. It's not what I want in life and I think I'll always carry around a sadness and bitterness, I just hide it.

I'm taking a break from blogging for a while. I find it so depressing lately especially with some of the tragic outcomes friends have had recently. I feel like I'm reliving my miscarriage and I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do to help them. Sometimes in my really dark moments I sob uncontrollably and think over and over why did you die. Thanks for the support, I'll be back in a few weeks after this latest FET.


At 7:01 PM, Blogger Sparkle said...

So sorry about your beta MC.

I'm sad that blogging isn't helping, if you need a break it's probably the best thing.

I don't get depressed about things these days - I've just accepted that random buckets of sh** fall out of the sky.

It's awful that there are some unhappy outcomes around blogland, but I force myself to focus on the good stuff in my life. It's not going to magically give me my baby - but it's a personal choice to be happy.

Good luck with your FET, will be thinking of you.

At 8:09 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Meg -

I am so
to hear about
beta result.


At 9:56 PM, Blogger Lindy said...

I'm so, so sorry Meg. There are no words. Take all the time you need, we'll be here for you when you come back.

At 10:22 PM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

I'm sorry, Meggie. Take good care of yourself.

At 10:55 PM, Blogger LabiaLady said...

What a freaking nightmare for you... I am so sorry.. I will be checking in regularily for your return.

At 6:00 AM, Blogger Donna said...

I hope your break will do you good, even though we will miss you. I know it's very difficult, but this is not your fault, and you did nothing to deserve all this bad luck. Take care.

At 7:00 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm sorry for all your losses, and I'm sorry to lose you to the blogging world for a while. I hope there are good things out there for you, somewhere.

At 10:57 PM, Blogger Em said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 11:22 AM, Blogger Ova Girl said...

I'm sorry Meg. Take care, do what you need to do and know that we are thinking of you and hoping for a beautiful result for your FET.

At 3:03 AM, Blogger UtRus said...

meg, take a break and take care of yourself. really sorry this cycle did not work and i hope you feel some peace soon. i'll check back in on you later.

and don't forget, yes, there are a lot of sad/depressing things on the blogs here in blogland, but there are thousands of other women who don't blog who go through ART who are successful. we tend to write more/look for communities, when we need support. so for all those where things are going well, they're just not as visible.


At 1:02 AM, Blogger Em said...

Meg, I hope the time away is good for you. Don't go away for too long.

At 11:01 PM, Blogger Shazz said...

From someone who has just had her 6th neg I am sorry, but wishing good luck for your FET and I'll be here cheering for you all the way xx.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Drew said...

Meg, I hear you sister. (if you come and check out my last post you can almost hear me loud and clear too).
Some time off helps I find - live the life you want and hope you find well deserved happiness. Hugs to you mate.

At 6:30 AM, Anonymous Manuela said...

I'm so sorry, Meg. While you should certainly take a break if you need it... do try to come back. Not so much for the sake of your readers... but for yourself. It will eventually be able to serve as a place of healing again.

So sorry...

At 7:06 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

Meg, I've been checking in regularly, but realised that without leaving a comment you might not realise. I'm thinking of you, I'm sure a lot of others are too. I hope you're doing ok.

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Em said...

I don't know if you are checking your comments. They haven't set a date for the melbourne meet-up yet. Kim had made a blog called where we are corresponding. Hope to see you soon.


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