I channeled ........

..........Bree Van Der Kamp. Much to J's annoyance, that's what our brief holiday at my family's beach house consisted of me cleaning. We hardly get down there as I'm usually working at the weekends along with most of my family and at other times it's crowded and noisy and full of my cousins and their kids. My younger sister is the same, she can't stop cleaning when she gets there pissing off her husband and complaining about the state that relatives have left it in.

It wasn't all bad as we ran the dogs along the beach in the mornings. The Airedale loved it, he is partially blind and he loved being free to run, with nothing to crash into. The first afternoon we ate cheese, olives, etc and drank some sparkling red. J started to get a bit horny, so I went to make up the bed, only to find mouse poo on it. We would have come home, but both of us were a bit pissed so I had to start cleaning. It was the quickest mood killer as I continued that day and the next. Our next holiday is going to be one where we just do nothing but laze around on a beach interstate somewhere.

During my first week of holidays I've binged on coffee, chocolate, alcohol, rich cheeses and sugary things. I haven't taken my Chinese herbs and have done virtually no exercise. I feel quite cynical and keep telling myself fuck it, eat what you want and enjoy yourself a bit, nothing's worked so far any way. I'm also really wary of those strict cut everything out of your diet regimes. I was a vegetarian for 23 years and started eating fish a little over a year ago. I feel however that I'm trapped, I often get iron deficient and feel I should eat meat but can't bring myself to do it, so I supplement instead.

Had a scan today and it looks like I will have a FET sometime towards the end of the week. It's our last two embryos. I don't want to think too far ahead, at the moment I'm still testing for the surge and as I said before quite cynical, sarcastic and angry about nothing and everything.