Here we go again

My period came on Friday. I had to talk in code to the nurse when I rang to inform her it was day 1. Everyone was in our office and I was teaching all day, as time is limited as to when to contact them, I just had to let her fill in the blanks. I'm particularly wary of one of the biggest gossips in the school she told me on Friday morning that she knew all about my miscarriage. I told her I couldn't talk about it and went to the photocopy room teary. I was pissed off, I know the other big gossip told her and now everyone in the school will know. I also hadn't thought about it that morning and felt reasonably normal.

The funny thing about this period is that it is like the one's I used to get in high school and uni. That is very painful. Lots of cramping and pain. This may be because I now weigh 54-55 kgs about 5 kgs heavier than when we started all this in May, thanks to 4 stim cycles and depression. Or could it be too much coffee, too much vodka? Since last weekend my husband and I have been drinking vodka and lime before dinner every night. I usually feel a little pissed after one glass and would sometimes go on to a 2nd or 3rd.

With the arrival of my period I have begun cutting down the caffeine to one green tea in the morning and no alcohol. I made a chocolate marble cake yesterday, but as that failed ( the 2nd time with this recipe) I haven't eaten chocolate either. I'll cut the green tea out sometime during the week. I cut caffeine out last time and was fanatical about it while I was pregnant, even though it made no difference in the end.

I must admit to having a few very irrational thoughts during the last few days. I have had people say the familiar old story to me many times. Their friend's friend's cousin did IVF (insert amount of times) then they stopped and they got pregnant naturally. I was thinking why can't I be that person? Then I remembered the egg retrieval. Still that story is guaranteed to piss me off and it always comes back to haunt me when my period turns up.

One good thing with the publicity going on here with the government wanting to limit IVF is that they have been interviewing people going through IVF. One couple featured in the newspaper had 11 transfers before success and estimated they had spent $30,000 on their treatments. This will hopefully stop some people from thinking that it works on the first go and that is free.