Taking a break

I had my Beta today, it will be 0 as I got my period on Monday. I'm gearing up for a FET, which I'll get in before I go back to work. It's a natural thaw cycle so I don't have to worry about any medication, just that they actually thaw out.


I'm also expecting the karyotyping test results today. J and I are quite frankly sick and tired of everything. We don't know how much we can keep going. We feel like we are flogging a dead horse. I keep getting resentful of the money we are spending for no result. I think it has especially been pissing me off this month as our plumbing collapsed under the house and we had to spend $7000.00. It was the same day that the IVF bill came in. I'm also sick and tired of the mental, emotional and physical side of all this.


If we stop treatment we probably have no chance of conceiving naturally because of the zona binding issue. I think if it was just my age as a factor we would probably have more chance, although don't quote me on that, I think I saw some stats. some where on my travels in cyber space. We will be a child free couple as I've said before adoption is not an option. It's not what I want in life and I think I'll always carry around a sadness and bitterness, I just hide it.


I'm taking a break from blogging for a while. I find it so depressing lately especially with some of the tragic outcomes friends have had recently. I feel like I'm reliving my miscarriage and I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do to help them. Sometimes in my really dark moments I sob uncontrollably and think over and over why did you die. Thanks for the support, I'll be back in a few weeks after this latest FET.