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Just finishing off before I entirely delete this blog.

My boys are now 7 months old and I feel very lucky to be a mother. People always assume it must be hard looking after twins, but I tell them teaching was harder. I also don't tell them that infertility was much much harder than having the boys. I think I have survivor's guilt, it's hard to explain, but I don't want to hurt or offend someone inadvertently who is going through IF.

Also much harder was watching my cousin die over Christmas/ New Year after battling a rare cancer for 3 years. It kind if pisses me off when people ask me if she had kids ( she didn't), as if it's not as bad as it is. This was a young, fit beautiful person who comforted me during my IF and when she found out I was pregnant promised she would be there to hold my babies and she was. I expected to get old with my cousin, continue walking our dogs, staying at our holiday house, watching Carlton win and growing old together. Now my boys won't have the privilege of growing up with her.

I will come back in a few weeks and delete. To everyone who has been here and left comments thank you. The support was fantastic.